I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
