Please, let me fuck your mom
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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