I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FUCK WHALES
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
