Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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