So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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