i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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