I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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