Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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