Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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