Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
