I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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