I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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