Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
