i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
