there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
