Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
