Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
