were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
