Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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