shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
