It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
