I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
