Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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