I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize