Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
