It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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