He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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