You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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