piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
farters have to be the big spoon...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
