did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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