just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
