The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
