my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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