There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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