She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
