I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
