I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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