if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
