I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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