i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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