Moan for me like Helen Keller
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
