This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
