I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
