when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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