Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
