Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
