I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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