I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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