you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
