Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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