My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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