i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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