He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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