we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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