hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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