I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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