i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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