My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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