i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
