Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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