U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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